Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize