Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
