FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
