i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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