im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
