So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
