From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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