My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
