laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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