So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
