Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
