She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
