yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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