evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
