a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
