she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
