the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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