Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
