You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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