I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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