It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
