i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
