So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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