apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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