Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
