god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
