Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
