sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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