Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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