I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
