We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
