I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i out mim tonsoeep
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