I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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