How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
