Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
high people should be assigned attendants
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize