she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
