i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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