I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
"it" just moved
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
