ya dads aren't the best wingmen
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
