its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
