my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
