I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
