I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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