Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize