He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you think heβll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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