Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
