Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
