Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize