oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize