your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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