if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How external is "for external use only"?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
