Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
