Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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