i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
