So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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