Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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