Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had to cum in my sink.
the raccoons are back...
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