she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
