it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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