Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
