I puked a lego.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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