i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
