Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
