I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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