And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize