nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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