We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
