I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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