sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
