I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize