I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
