just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
