what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
