dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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