I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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