I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
