i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
