Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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