Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
