do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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