i think my tv is drunk
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
