4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
