I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
