vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
