It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
