I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
