exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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